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i fucking suck   
12:06am 10/06/2007
 
mood: crushed
everything's falling apart.
everyone is leaving me.
soon i'll be left with no on and nothing.
my closest friends hate me now...
and i fear that i will soon lose the love of my life.
the best thing that has ever happened to me.
the one person who keeps me sane.
the one who can make my day better with one smile.
and make me smile with one silly face or eskimo kiss,
the person that understand me the most.
the only person i feel comfortable asking questions with out feeling stupid.
the only person that has ever made me feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin.
the one boy who i've made it this far with.
the one boy who i can't see my self with out.
the one boy who i could happily stay with forever.
he's the only person i let into my dark spot.
the crazy part of me.
and he doesn't mind that i'm a little crazy.
he's willing to help me with it.
and understand it.
i've never been this scared in my intire life.
i've never wanted anything so badly.
if this ends...
i don't know what will become of me.
and i don't like that feeling.

i'm so scared i'm going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me.
i'm going to hate myself forever if i do.
i have something so perfect for me right in front of me...
and it can be gone in seconds.		  
     

( post)
 
HJKBcxbvxbzgjd   
08:03pm 08/06/2007
 
mood: depressed
music: MSI
i'm at a bad point right now.
i'm super down again.
and the things that bring me up are out of my reach.
it's really frustrating.


i have s much to write...
but i can't...
i don't know why...





gfdhgfdjgffjgsjgfsjdhtrw		  
     

( post)
 
Finally   
02:01am 13/03/2007
  It's weird feeling good about myself.
after years of being down...
things are finally looking good for me.
and for once im not doubting it.
or waiting for someone to fuck me over.
i am genuinely comfortable.

though the house i live in may be chaotic and slighty unorthadox...
living here is way better for me than living at home.
dont get me wrong...
i had every superficial thing i needed...
clothes, food, money, my own room were all provided.
and i love my mother more than she knows.
but it was not a good place for me emotionally or mentally.
i was being smothered.
even though i know it was out of love and concern on my mother's part...
it was not the case for my step dad.
and even then...
at nine-teen i had very little privleges.
i was not treated like i was an adult.
plus the fact that i get to sleep next to my wonderful boyfriend on a daily basis helps. :)

Colin and Cameron have both helped me in so many ways.
they've helped me learn alot about myself.
and made me realize how insecure i truely was.
it went way deeper than i let myself see.

im not saying that everything is gone...
but everyday i feel more and more comfortable in my own skin.
i feel pretty somedays.
which before never happened.
i take compliments.
and most of the time believe them.
im ignoring most of the negative part of my brain...
the part that questions everythings to an unbarable extreme...
and makes me believe that i dont deserve all of the good things that are happening.

for once i have a person that i undoubtably trust with my heart.
i dont question if hes going to hurt me constantly.
i dont wonder if he feels the same about me.
i dont have to nag him to spend time with me.
i dont have to deal with being neglected when his friends are around.
i dont have to hide the dark parts of me.
i dont have to be ashamed of my scars.
i dont have to be second.
i dont feel the need to change myself.
i dont feel the need to starve myself.
i dont feel like i have to wear make up or do my hair before i see him.
for once the love we share is true.
and im more happy than i have ever been in my life.

  
     

(4 post)
 
   
09:36pm 05/03/2007
  i live in farmington hills.

im alive.

my phone is turned off...



contact me through myspace.		  
     

(1 post)
 
tagged by amanda   
07:39pm 25/02/2006
 
mood: cheerful
music: mindless self indulgence- bring the pain
1) Write down 7 things that piss you off (in no certain order).
2) Tag 7 people.
3) Write 7 things that make you happy too.




makes alyssa a mad little lady
1. bad breath
2. body odor
3. parents
4. losing service
5. people that take things too seriously
6. dumb girls
7. people taking advantage of me and my friends



tagarino!!!!
1. John Cates
2. Alycia Cobb
3. Brittany Riddoch
4. Sabrina Ceresa
5. Mitchell Socia
6. Katy Smith
7. Ashley Shepard



makes alyssa a happy little hippo
1. jacob conklin
2. my bestfriends
3. panic at the disco
4. oatmeal cream pies
5. rootbeer
6. sleeping
7. anti-depressants		  
     

(2 post)
 
 
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